Beautiful
by DevlinV1
Summary: [FIN:2004:Hardycest and Slash] Matt is growing more self conscious and decides to make a drastic change in order to lose weight. Diet and exercise proving fruitless, he resolves to do anything... ANYTHING to be his ideal weight, no matter what the cost.


**Beautiful**

**By Archangel**

It was a game. A wonderful game they had all been playing since they were children. It was like wrestling in a way, but more like rolling around on the floor like a bunch of crazy boys. Tickling was mostly the weapon of choice considering they were all ticklish. None as bad as Matt, though. It was one weakness he'd never rid himself of. And when Shannon and Jeff realized Matt's strength was gaining him the top position of the dog pile they turned on him together. Jeff speared him playfully, shoving him to the carpet and pinning his arms under his legs. Then Shannon pounced, reaching for Matt's sides and stomach. His laughter filled the room along with gasped pleads for mercy. He loved it, though.

"Guys… Ack! Let me… up!"

"No, I don't think so. You were crushing me, fatass," Jeff said and sat more firmly on his chest.

"Come on! I can't… breathe!" he said as he giggled.

"Awww, but look at da poochy belly!" Shannon said in baby talk and squeezed the thin layer of softness that covered the hard abs underneath. "Matty's like a big squishy teddy bear!"

Before Matt could comment Shannon bent down and blew a raspberry on his stomach, making him shriek before falling back into peals of laughter. Just the sound of him squealing like that was enough to make Jeff and Shannon start laughing as well. They let him up finally and slowly their laughter died into silent smiles, panting on Matt's part from being tickled, and the warm friendship that they shared.

"Well, that killed half an hour of the day," Jeff said with a chuckle. "Now what?"

"Anyone else hungry?" Matt asked.

"I was wondering when that was coming."

"Huh?"

"You're always hungry, Matty," Jeff said ruffled Matt's already messy ponytail.

"Nah…"

"Yeah, you are," Shannon added. "You're always munching on something."

"I am hungry, though. I think macaroni and cheese is in order."

With that Jeff got up and headed for the kitchen, Shannon jumping up after him to beg for him to cut up hot dogs to add to the pasta. After they were gone Matt frowned and looked down at himself curiously. He did have a little bit of pudge around his middle, but it wasn't that bad. Was it? Jeff and Shannon weren't the only people who razzed him about it either. Other guys in the business were constantly poking him and pinching him, calling him a doughboy and other things. He could stand to lose a few pounds probably. Most people could now a days. Well, except Jeff. He was damn near perfect.

Matt walked into the kitchen just in time to catch Jeff pinning Shannon against the counter.

"Hey! Not in my kitchen!" he yelled.

"How about your bed then?" Jeff asked.

"Dear God no. I'm not cleaning your… mess out of my sheets."

"Aw c'mon Matty," Shannon whined.

"Nope. If you want it that badly you can take it outside and fuck in the snow if you like."

Jeff and Shannon looked out the window, both giving a shiver at the sight and the thought of being in it half nude. It seemed to calm them right back down. Meanwhile Matt was fishing through his refrigerator for something to eat besides macaroni. He found some celery in a bottom drawer and pulled out two stalks of it. Jeff and Shannon both gave him a funny look. Matt wasn't one to make a healthy food choice when there was something delicious and fattening only a few feet away. But Matt didn't say a thing to their expressions as he crunched on his dinner.

"Turning into a rabbit?" Jeff asked.

"No. I need to drop a couple pounds is all."

"That doesn't mean you can't have some of our food. Just don't eat half the pan like you usually do."

He shook his head. "Nah, I'd rather have this. Makes me feel better."

Jeff shrugged and went back to preparing his and Shannon's meal. Matt couldn't help but stare at it, though. It looked delicious.

_Just tell yourself it's not. It tastes awful. You don't like pasta. You like veggies. Everything else is disgusting._

He kept thinking that over and over as he watched his brother and friend stuff themselves on one of his favorite foods. But he forced himself to just eat the celery, getting a third stalk from the fridge as well just to fill his aching stomach. He had heard somewhere that celery had practically no nutritional value at all because it had so much water in it. Or something like that. It had absolutely no fat in it so he could eat as much as he wanted. That made it a lot easier on his mind to pass up the other option. He would've gained weight instead of losing it.

Of course, he knew this one skipped meal wasn't going to be enough. He'd have to start exercising and cutting back on a lot of his bad habits in the kitchen. He'd lose the weight. He'd get his body to be a chiseled mass of muscle that would put Jeff's lithe form to shame. He promised himself.

Later that night after Jeff and Shannon had gone back to their own homes, Matt was happy to crawl into bed next to the love of his life. Amy was already dozing off with a book in her hand and the light still on. Matt leaned over her to nibble at her neck, waking her and getting her to giggle before pushing his head away.

"Did they leave finally? I could hear all of you down there laughing and screaming like loons."

"Yeah, you know us." He smiled down at her. "We have to play whenever I get the chance to come home."

"I know. It's sweet to watch the three of you try to kill each other sometimes. Just like a bunch of rowdy kids."

"See? We don't need to have babies of our own. You already have Jeff and Shannon," he joked.

"And you. Let's not forget the biggest baby of them all."

Matt slinked an arm around her waist and pulled her over on top of him. He kissed her tenderly, loving how her hair fell down around him when they were like this. He petted her cheek, gazing at her with loving eyes.

"I'm not the baby. You are. You're _my_ baby."

She giggled and sat up, straddling his hips, and pinched his belly. "Then how do you explain the baby fat?"

Matt lost his smile at that, looking down at his stomach then back up at Amy. She had never said anything about that before. He frowned, his face taking on a hateful expression as he thought about it. He was so fat that even his girlfriend was commenting on it. It only made him more determined to lose weight.

"That won't be here much longer. I'm gonna lose that crap and go back to the hard bodied Adonis you fell for," he said with a smirk.

"Oh yeah. You know I only want you for your body," she said sarcastically. "I don't need your charm, or your intelligence, or your love. Just someone I can ride into the sunset every night."

"Well get to work, woman! The sun set hours ago!"

A light smack on the ass made it all just a little too stupid for Amy and she started laughing hysterically. She moved off of him, much to his disappointment, lying by his side to rub her hand over his much hated stomach.

"My soft squishy Matty… Go to sleep, hunny."

He sighed at the 'soft squishy' part, being more displeased with that than the fact that she wasn't in the mood. Then again, maybe it was because of that pudgy belly that she wasn't. When was the last time they'd had sex? Matt thought about it carefully. It had been a while. That was a bit alarming considering that they even shared a room while they were on the road now. They were finally at home where they could relax, have privacy, and they weren't out of energy from work, yet she didn't want to have sex. He looked over at her where she was sleeping on his shoulder. He was half tempted to wake her up and question her, but she looked so peaceful. There was no point in waking her over his insecurities. Besides, he had already resolved to fix the problem. Within a few weeks she'd be all over the new him. He smiled to himself a little. Pleasing Amy was an even better reason to lose the weight and it would make it all that much easier to do. Soon enough he dozed off as well, dreaming of eating macaroni and cheese while Jeff and Amy fucked in the snow.

Shannon looked up as Matt walked into the cafeteria of the arena Smackdown! was performing in that night. It was surprising to see him there. After all he was on RAW now. Shannon quickly got up and ran over to him.

"Matty!" He rushed into the open arms as always, but was met with hard resistance. "Whoa. Hey, what happened to all the padding?"

"I've been working on losing weight. What d'ya think?" he asked and raised up his shirt.

"Ooooo. Matty's a hottie now." Matt huffed indignantly and yanked the shirt back down. "I'm kidding! No, you look good. Good job."

"Really? I dunno, I think a few more pounds couldn't hurt."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Just don't go cruiserweight on us."

"Nah, I don't think I'd ever manage that even if I wanted to. My height kinda screws me over. Even with as perfectly thin as Jeff is he's a heavyweight."

"So, what're you doing here?"

"Actually I came to visit you and few of the others. I have time before it's off to the next city."

"Cool! Come on over to the table then. Are you hungry?"

"No, I ate earlier."

Shannon nodded without any clue that Matt was lying through his teeth. In fact, just being in the cafeteria was making his stomach tie itself in knots. He was starving. He'd skipped breakfast that morning and was extremely late for lunch, but he had just figured since dinner was only a few hours away he'd wait till then and be able to eat a full meal without worrying about it.

"Hey Version One!"

Matt looked to see John Cena walking up to him. "Hey Thuganomics."

"What are you doing here?"

"Visiting. Aren't you happy to see me?" he smiled.

"Well, yeah!" He laughed and hugged Matt, pausing to press on his stomach. "Hey, you've been hitting the gym pretty hard."

"Yeah, too bad it hits back sometimes."

John yanked Matt's shirt up to admire the six pack abs he'd finally unveiled from the layer of fat that had covered them before. He whistled with an approving nod.

"Not bad. Not as good as mine, though. Maybe I'll give you my training routine so you can actually do yourself some good, huh?"

"Oh, leave Matty alone. He's doing fine without your help," Shannon said.

"No, it's okay, Shan. I'm not done with remodeling this beat up old body."

"Yeah? So maybe I'll call you eventually and give you the run down?" John asked.

"Yeah, I need it. I'm sick of being fat."

"Alright. Well, I'm out. Gotta get ready for later, ya know?"

With that John left. Matt sighed inwardly, thinking about how in shape John was. He had a body that was utterly perfect. For Christ's sake the man could pick up Big Show and not even tremble.

"Matt!"

"Huh?" He looked down at Shannon. "What?"

"You faded out on me or something. Pulling a Jeff?"

"Yeah, I guess I spaced."

"Your stomach has been growling this whole time. You want something to eat after all?"

"Nah, I'm not hungry. I'm still digesting the pizza I had earlier," he lied.

"You're gonna have heartburn."

"Yep, but it was good going down." He gave a false smile, unable to pay complete attention while there were so many people eating around him. "Listen, Shan, I need to get outta here. I'll call you or something, okay?"

"What? Oh, okay…"

Matt tried not to notice the disappointed expression on Shannon's face as he quickly walked away. He just had to get away from that smell. That wonderful smell of real food was driving him crazy. He hadn't eaten anything near as tasty in a few weeks. He'd been sticking to raw vegetables, fruits, and occasionally snuck in one of those fruit and oatmeal bars. In fact, he had one of those in his pocket at the moment. He fished it out quickly, tearing off the wrapper and taking half the bar in one bite. He barely chewed before swallowing it down and devouring the rest of the bar in another huge bite. It made him feel so much better, but he had always taken a small level of comfort from food. That was probably exactly why he'd gotten so fat in the first place. He was a stressed out eater, shoveling the food in whenever he was upset in any way, and that was over half of the time. All of these thoughts, plus the feeling of food in his stomach, made him feel disgusting. He'd had an eating disorder by technicality. He knew now he was putting a stop to it, though. In fact he had to stop what he was doing right this second because he'd eaten the oatmeal bar because he was stressed.

Matt ducked into the nearest bathroom, relieved to see that the door to the whole bathroom could be locked from the inside. He checked to make sure he was alone first then flipped the latch. Then he locked himself into one of the stalls as well. He looked down at the toilet in front of him, wondering if he could actually manage to do this. He huffed slightly at himself and quickly jabbed his finger as far down his throat as he could manage. He gagged momentarily, but his finger moved over a certain flap of skin that he could feel. It gave him the instant reaction he'd wanted and he bent over the toilet quickly to throw up what little was in his stomach. Once he had finally managed to cough up everything he flushed it down, getting out of the cramped stall hastily, and going over to the sinks. He cupped his hands to get enough to drink, deciding against swallowing at the last second and only rinsing out his mouth instead. He splashed water over his sweaty face and dried off on his own shirt without care. Then he rose up and looked in the mirror.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His face was glowing radiantly, his cheeks a faint shade of pink, the rest of his skin smooth and perfect. He smiled at his reflection, but then stepped back some to look over the rest of himself. Too bad the beauty stopped just below the neck. He sighed and lifted his shirt like so many others had done that day, seeing what they had been gawking at. Still fat. He pinched a small amount on his sides, but it was nothing compared to what was under his pants. He knew his ass was still flabby and his thighs were monstrous even for a man his size. Again he sighed, knowing he was nowhere near his goal. He'd have to eat less. He'd cut out some of the fruits he was constantly eating and definitely no more of those oatmeal bars. From now on strictly vegetables. He'd just become Vegan.

Matt poked his head out of the bathroom door, glancing around suspiciously before stepping out. He brushed at the wet front of his shirt a little as he walked away. He thought no one had seen him. John Cena stepped around the corner behind Matt, looking after him with a concerned expression. He'd seen Matt go in and had heard the door lock. Then he'd heard everything else as well with his ear pressed to the door. John knew all too well what had just gone on. He shook his head and went off to find Shannon.

Matt slowly opened his eyes against the blaring lights of the arena, blinking in confusion. Why was he in the ring? What was going on?

"Are you okay, Hardy?" came a voice and someone's head blocked out the light.

"Huh?"

"Matt, are you okay?" Earl Hebner asked again.

"Yeah. Yeah, just a little stunned."

Hebner glanced around to locate the other man in the ring, muttering quietly enough so the mics wouldn't pick him up. "Here he comes with a chair."

A chair? Who? Matt had no idea what was going on. He couldn't remember even coming down to the ring, much less starting a match. Still he rolled over and forced himself to get up slowly. Across the ring he saw Chris Jericho pushing in a chair and rolling in after it. He looked over at Matt, arching a brow for a brief moment. Matt shoved himself to his feet, stumbling and falling back against the ropes, panting as if he'd just run for ten miles. He could tell by Chris's hesitation that he was missing a spot in the match, but he couldn't help it. He hadn't the foggiest notion of what he was supposed to be doing. He'd have to wing it for now and convey to Chris that he had blanked out.

He finally regained his own feet, giving Chris a menacing look. He gestured at the chair and then gave him a 'bring it on' beckoning. Chris snarled and charged him, catching Matt in the stomach with the end of it after faking a blow to the head. Matt folded over the chair and grabbed Chris's shoulder.

"I can't remember what to do," he whispered.

"Let me set you up for a Full Course," he whispered back.

Chris shoved Matt away, tossing the chair aside as Matt spun on his heel like he was dizzy and lost. Chris ran up behind him to give him the Face Buster. Matt made sure to grab his face and flop around in mock pain a little bit, moving into the position for the Lionsault. It came with crushing force to his abdomen. He felt his leg get yanked up.

"Kick out, fight, go for the Twist of Fate," Chris muttered to him as the ref counted.

Right after two Matt threw his shoulder up to get Chris off of him. The two were somewhat slower to get to their feet this time, but Matt rose up first. He knew Chris was trying to make sure he didn't look completely out of it, though. When Chris had righted himself Matt threw a punch at him, feeling his fist graze his jaw. Chris threw one of his own. Matt came back with another. He saw the faint nod and arch of Chris's brow before the next punch came and he raised his arm to block it. He kicked Chris in the gut and grabbed his head, yanking it under one arm and raising the other in his V1 gesture. He moved to execute the finisher, but Chris grabbed his waist and shoved him backwards. As he stumbled his ankles were snatched and dragged out from under him unexpectedly, slamming him to the canvas with his head ricocheting off the hard mat. As if he weren't already foggy enough. He felt his body being pulled one direction, slowly flipping him onto his stomach. He knew what was coming. The Boston Crab that had become the Walls of Jericho after the real move was banned started to take its effect. Matt's spine was pushed together as his abs and chest were stretched much too far. Along with that his legs were being wrenched into the most uncomfortable position aside from a Figure Four Leg Lock. He gave a yell of pain, which got louder rather quickly when Chris really leaned back. It was a sign that he was supposed to actually tap and not fight for the rope. At least Matt hoped he was reading it right. He waited to see if he'd get that agony once again and sure enough he was screaming and slamming his hand on the mat only a moment later. The bell rung and he was set free, getting a light kick in the side for his efforts. He used it to roll out of the ring, barely catching himself before hitting the floor.

The main thought on his mind was to get out of sight from the cameras and crowd before he got sick. The Lionsault and Walls of Jericho had done a number on his empty stomach. Even with nothing inside of him Matt felt like he would puke at any moment. He swallowed hard, setting his gaze on the gate at the top of the ramp with as much determination as he could muster. He refused to go down in front of everyone. He'd be humiliated. He staggered to his feet and started away from the ring, the cheers for Chris echoing through his head and making it buzz most unpleasantly. He kept his eyes locked on his target. If he could just make it there, but his dizziness was getting worse. The whole arena suddenly spun around him and he collided with something unyielding.

"Matt! Matty, are you okay?"

He opened his eyes to look up at panicked cerulean eyes framed by blond hair. Chris was hovering over him. What, again? Wasn't he just in a match with him? Or had he gotten knocked out and it had all been a dream? He watched as Chris looked and away from him, raising his arms in an X towards the back. Who was injured? Matt realized it when Chris leaned back over him, cupping his cheek tenderly. He was injured. His senses took in everything at once it seemed. He was lying half on his side on the ramp with a nearly silent crowd of thousands around them. They were all waiting to see if he was okay.

"Oh God… I fainted," he groaned in embarrassment.

"You scared the shit out of me. All of a sudden I turn around and I'm just in time to see you taking a dive onto the damn ramp. I didn't know what to think!" Chris exclaimed.

One of the trainers knelt beside Matt, checking him over routinely. "What happened?"

"He passed out. He was dizzy and lightheaded during the last half of the match and completely forgot the setup," Chris said.

"Okay, let's take him back. Matt, can you walk on your own?"

"I think so. I might need a lift to get started."

Chris got to his feet slowly, pulling Matt with him, practically supporting all of his weight because Matt could barely move his feet. He frowned down at the man in his arms.

"Where's the rest of you? Weren't you heavier last time I had to drag your drunken ass to a hotel room?"

"I've been working out more," Matt mumbled.

Once behind the curtains and out of sight from the prying eyes of the fans Matt completely collapsed. Even Chris hadn't been able to hold him up with such a sudden loss of his legs. Matt moaned, absently clutching at his stomach.

"Ya gonna yak?" Chris asked.

"Maybe. No, I'm not. I just… Oh God, I just want to go to bed."

"That sounds like a concussion to me, Matt," the trainer interrupted. "Let's get you into one of the rooms and then soon on the way to the hospital."

Matt whined a protest, but had no effort to back it up. He was surprised to be yanked to his feet and then swept off of them. Chris was carrying him into the medical room. Chris hadn't been able to pick him up so easily before. It made him smile to think he'd lost enough weight to be picked up by someone who wasn't some giant behemoth.

Just as Chris was lying him on one of the tables, the door to the medical room was busted open. In came Lita, Rob Van Dam and Christian, known better as Amy, Robbie and Jay to everyone backstage. Amy was by his side instantly, frightened beyond rationality and already in tears. Matt let her carry on for a moment or two before shushing her gently.

"It's okay, baby. I'm okay," he muttered.

"You passed out after a match! That's not okay!"

"Shhh. It's probably just a concussion. It's not that big of a deal."

"Yeah, Amy, he's right. He's a little nauseated and dizzy, but he's fine," Chris insured.

"It must've been all the head shots," Jay said.

"Yeah, definitely. Especially right before you went out to get that chair. That was harsh," Rob added.

"Yeah. Sorry about that one by the way, Matt."

"What?"

"Slamming your head into the turnbuckle so hard. I must've missed."

Matt blinked, trying to remember hitting the turnbuckle. He didn't remember that at all. In fact all he remembered really was standing at the guerilla position before the match, watching Chris go up the steps first, then nothing until Earl was leaning over him in the ring.

"I don't really remember the hit. That must be what caused me to forget what we were doing."

"You forgot what you were doing?" Rob asked in surprise.

"Thankfully Chris took control of the situation. I was completely lost."

"Good thing we were almost done anyway." Chris glanced Matt over nervously for a moment. "So how much do you weigh now, Matty?"

He smiled happily. "Can't tell you unless everyone in the room swears not to tell Vince."

"You're under the weight limit aren't you?" Jay asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, but it's okay. No one's really noticed since I've been keeping my shirt on during matches. It's too bad I can't show the whole world how much I've lost."

"How much _do_ you weigh, hunny?" Amy asked.

"An even 200. I was so happy to see that yesterday. I've been working so hard to lose the weight."

Amy frowned slightly and looked up at Chris, who was equally as upset looking. Matt was oblivious to it. He was smiling and gloating over how thinner he was than the rest of them. He said he wanted to be thinner than Jeff to show him up and become the better looking Hardy like he had always thought he was before. Chris glanced over at Rob and Jay, seeing that they were surprised at the things Matt was saying. He sighed.

"Matt, when was the last time you ate?" he asked suddenly, interrupting Matt's sentence.

"This morning. Why?"

"What did you have for breakfast?"

Matt blinked at him and Chris saw him swallow. "Um…An apple, a handful of grapes, a couple pieces of buttered toast and coffee."

"Okay. Now you wanna try the truth?"

Matt furrowed his brow at him. Even the others were looking at Chris in confusion. Chris only crossed his arms over his chest and watched as Matt sat up on the table, looking at him as if he had no idea what he was talking about.

"Chris, are you trying to say I'm lying?"

"Yes. You see, Matt, I've been noticing things lately. Things have changed. You used to go out with Jay and Robbie to dinner and stuff yourself like a pig after every show. You were constantly hanging around the catering and in cafeterias to nibble on things before matches. And no matter where we were or what we were doing you were always eating something almost all the time."

"I know that! That's why I stopped doing all of that. It's not good to be eating constantly, especially since I was only eating because I was stressed out or upset all the time. It was a bad habit and I'm breaking it."

"But Matt, you're not eating hardly anything. Even if you _did_ eat everything you said this morning, that's nowhere near enough to last you a whole day and through a match."

"How would you know how much I eat each day anyway? You're hardly ever around me. In fact, you're hardly ever around anyone aside from Jay!"

"Leave my anti-social issues out of this!"

"How about I butt out of your business when you butt out of mine?"

"It becomes my business when you pass out after a match with me!"

"No, that doesn't give a right to anything! I can't believe you! I had a fucking eating disorder and I've managed to rid myself of it on my own! Why can't you be happy for me?"

"Matt, you didn't have an eating disorder _before_. You have one _now_ and it's called anorexia."

"No, no, no, no, no, no… Anorexics are skinny little girls who weigh only like eighty freakin pounds. I'm a six foot tall, two hundred pound, powerful piece of male perfection! And you're just a fucking jealous useless overweight sack of shit!"

Chris lunged at Matt for that one, but Amy grabbed onto Matt to yank him off of the table. Jay and Rob latched onto Chris to pull him away. Still Matt screamed obscenities at him, half blaming him for all the stress he had been under, claiming his lack of friendship was part of the problem, and that he had screwed up the match by throwing him into the turnbuckle. With effort Rob and Jay managed to get Chris out of the room. Meanwhile Amy had to try to calm Matt down after his fit of defensive rage. It didn't do very much good as the rush of adrenaline quickly wore off and Matt dropped like a rag doll to the floor, unconscious again.

Matt stared out the window of his home, mulling around the kitchen with a celery stalk in one hand and a peanut butter jar in the other. Of course he wasn't actually eating the peanut butter, but he had noticed Amy didn't complain if she thought he was eating something fattening. Ever since his fainting incident last week on RAW she had been watching him constantly to make sure he ate plenty. As result he had gained back two pounds after losing an additional five before coming home. Now he was only 197. That sincerely pissed him off. He hated it. It was as if everyone _wanted_ him to be fat, which didn't make any sense at all.

He took a final bite of celery, throwing out the leafy end and putting the peanut butter away. He wandered into the living room. He'd been restless and antsy all day. Not that he didn't know why. Amy still was being an ice queen when it came to sex. She wasn't making it obvious or anything, but Matt could take the subtle hints that he was not to even try. She was curled up on the couch wearing only a long baggy shirt, one of his to be exact, and her panties. She'd just gotten up a few hours ago after sleeping in till one in the afternoon. Matt had been awake since six that morning and had gone running in hope of shedding more pounds. Amy may have been able to stuff food down his throat, but she couldn't keep him from working out.

He reached over and lifted her upper body off the couch to slide in under her, letting her rest her head in his lap. She smiled up at him, but turned right back to the television. What was she watching anyway? Some talk show thing with people throwing chairs. Most likely it was Jerry Springer. How boring. Matt looked back down at her, giving a small smirk before leaning down to nip at her ear, running the tip of his tongue over it. She shivered in his hold, rolling onto her back to look up at him. He didn't even meet her eyes. He dove down to kiss her lips and force his tongue past them, kissing her with all his pent up passion. He heard her make a sound in her throat, but paid it no mind as his hand quickly found the bottom hem of his shirt that she wore and slipped underneath it. Her skin was warm and soft. It felt wonderful to run his hand up over the curves of her hip and waist. He made a beeline straight to her breast, squeezing the mound of flesh, his thumb and finger finding her nipple easily and pinching lightly. That was when she shoved his hand away and pulled back from his kisses.

"Matty, please, I'm not in the mood."

He huffed and shoved her up so he could get off the couch without dumping her on the floor. He covered his face with both hands to take a deep breath. There was no steadying himself this time, though. He was too riled up. He looked back at her to see she was completely clueless to his need.

"You haven't been in the mood in four months, ya know."

She frowned. "I'm sorry, Matty. I dunno why, but I'm just not interested."

"Yeah… Well… If you're not interested in me maybe I'll just find someone else who is."

"What!"

But Matt was already heading for the front door, Amy fast on his heels. He didn't even look at her as he put on his shoes and grabbed his jacket. He pulled on his gloves as she demanded to know what he was talking about and where he was going. She apologized over and over for not giving him what he needed. He didn't care about that right now. He cared about getting a piece of ass. Four months was just far too long.

"Listen for a minute," he interrupted her. "I'm just going to Shannon's. Shannon Moore, just to make it doubly clear. I'm not going to cheat on you. I'm not that kind of person and you should never have even thought that." He paused a moment to glare at her. "At least Shannon responds to me when I kiss him. At least he understands that I have needs."

"You've kissed him? You never told me that," she said in utter shock.

"There's a lot of things I've never told you, Amy, because I know how you react to certain things. I guess I might as well tell you now that I'm bisexual. I've slept with more men than women. How do you think I coped when I was on the road without you? Cheating on you? No. I found comfort in the arms of my fellow wrestlers."

"How is that not cheating?"

"Because I was pretending it was you," he hissed, once again feeding her a pack of lies. "Now I'm going. I'm gonna be in a much better mood when I return as long as Crystal leaves me and Shan alone. If not, then I'll just go to Jeff's instead and hide in his studio to jack off for the rest of the night."

Matt turned to leave, feeling her hands grab at his arm, but he only yanked away from her. He didn't care about anything right now. The pulsing through his groin was the only thing that mattered at the moment. He knew later he'd feel guilty for being so harsh with Amy, but he'd find a way to make her understand. Hopefully.

A little while later he pulled up in front of the Moore home to see a familiar vehicle parked in front of him. It was Jeff's truck that he used during the winter. Matt smirked at it, seeing the chains on the tires and the terrible mess of mud and snow. Jeff must've gone off roading only recently. Another car Matt noticed was Crystal's and the fact that it wasn't there. Most likely Jeff was having all the fun Matt had been hoping to get. Undeterred, Matt let himself into the house which was never locked, ridding himself of the snow gear before bounding up the stairs. Shannon's bedroom was at the very end of the hall, but the younger man's cries of passion could be heard already. It made Matt shudder just to hear him. He peeked through the door that had been left open. He was greeted by a magnificent sight.

Shannon was on his back, half on the bed and half in Jeff's arms, with his legs wrapped tightly around his lover's waist. He was covered in sweat and, if Matt wasn't mistaken, body paint. Jeff had obviously been having a creative moment before it got to this point. Shannon was yelling with every thrust and most likely very close to orgasm. Matt smiled a bit then looked at his brother. He'd actually never seen Jeff like this before. Surprising considering that they both were Shannon's lovers. Matt looked over the messy blond hair, barely holding in the short stub that Jeff called a ponytail, and the mess of paint and sweat that was slowly running down his chest and back. His muscles flexed with every movement. Staring at Jeff's hips as he drove himself into the willing body in front of him made Matt almost want to be in Shannon's position despite the fact he was not one to be on the bottom. He had a feeling Jeff's delicious looking hip bones would feel wonderful when they were slammed against. Matt jumped slightly when Shannon screamed with sudden release, his ecstasy coating his stomach as Jeff finally made some sound of his own, pushing as hard as he could into that tight heat for a final time. Matt tried not to chuckle as Jeff trembled and twitched and tried to keep himself on his feet. He pulled away from Shannon finally and leaned down to lick the nearly unconscious boy clean.

"I hope that's edible body paint," Matt finally made his presence known.

Jeff looked up at him with only slight surprise. "I had a feeling you were here. I dunno why, but something told me you were in the house."

"Must be our brotherly connection growing stronger," he said as he walked over to them. "You've got a little on your face."

Jeff blinked and snaked his tongue out to reach it, not being very successful so he finally wiped it off. Shannon meanwhile was completely out and nearly sliding off the bed. Matt gave Jeff a hand in turning the poor boy so he could lay on the bed properly to sleep off his exhaustion.

"So what're you doing here?"

"Came to get a little, but you beat me to it."

"Oh, sorry. I would've been happy to share."

"You were practically done by the time I came in, though. So I just watched."

Jeff glanced Matt over with a smirk. "_Only_ watched obviously, judging by the funny way your pants are fitting you."

Matt only shrugged. "I couldn't exactly toss one off standing in the doorway."

"You should've joined in!" Jeff quieted when Shannon grunted. "We would've been happy to help you out."

"I dunno. Would've felt kinda strange with you here."

"Like you haven't fucked in front of me before."

"Yeah, but that's different. I fucked in front of you, not with you."

"If you weren't my brother you could just fuck me because I am soooo not ready to quit." Jeff accentuated his point by gesturing at the erection that still hadn't gone away. "With Shannon being on the road and Crystal hogging him whenever he comes home I never get to play anymore."

"Poor Jeffy. I'm in the same boat kinda. Since I switched to RAW I can't play with any of the guys and Amy hasn't wanted to in four months."

"Four months? Matty, you haven't had sex in four months?"

"Yeah. That's why I came over here." Matt let his eyes wander over Jeff a little. "So it is edible right?"

"Huh? Oh, the paint. Yeah. I picked some up from that adult store in town. Thought Shan would get a kick out of being my masterpiece."

"Looks like it worked."

"Most definitely."

Matt felt his face flush just slightly as he asked Jeff a question. "Care to paint another one? I might not make much of a canvas, but I think you have enough talent to pull it off."

Jeff arched a brow at him, but a smile was playing on his face. Matt could see the creativity boiling in Jeff's mind already. He loved having any opportunity to paint something new, but Jeff had always been an artist in many ways. Everything he did was imaginative and unique. Apparently even the way he fucked was special. Matt decided to spur him on a little by taking his shirt off to present some of the 'canvas' he'd have to work with. Jeff's eyes widened at the sight.

"Oh my God, Matty. You're so thin!" Instantly Jeff came forward, staring at him in shock. He ran his hands over Matt's flat stomach and up his sides where the ribs were just starting to show through. "You've lost so much weight. Why?"

"I wanted to. Don't you like it?" He heard the desperate tone of voice he'd used and hoped Jeff would notice to. Just having Jeff's hands on him was sending sparks through him.

"I'm so surprised, but… Yeah. Yeah, you look so good." Jeff's fingers trailed over the washboard abs again. "I have to paint you. You're just so perfect."

Jeff hurried to grab the little jars from the night stand. He set them instead on a table next to the couch that Matt was standing near and opened them all up. He glanced Matt over momentarily before snatching the red, gathering it on his fingers and starting his work.

"What are you going to make?" Matt asked.

"I'm going to bring your inside outside. What I see in you right now is going to be boldly painted right on your chest so the world can see."

"That's gonna be a pornographic picture," he chuckled.

Jeff only shushed him and switched colors. Matt shivered at the cold paint on his chest, watching Jeff as he worked. He usually wasn't so quick with his artwork, but he seemed to be able to see exactly what he wanted from this. It was as if he had a guide that he only had to follow to get the perfection he wanted. Every single touch of his hand made Matt quiver with longing. He hadn't been touched in so long. The last thing he'd gotten even close to romance was from Chris when he'd picked him up and carried him after fainting. He didn't realize he'd closed his eyes till they popped open again. He looked down as Jeff was unclasping his belt. Once the belt was undone Matt's pants slid right down without being opened. Jeff arched a brow at that, but went right back to work. Matt loved the way his tongue would run over his lips when he concentrated this hard, and even better was the way Jeff was painting in small circles on his hips. He had to bite his tongue to keep from moaning just from the touches, but he made a small sound anyway. Jeff looked up at him, eyes momentarily locking on Matt's throbbing hardness before going up to his face.

"Damn, Matty, you really do need some relief. All I'm doing is touching you and I feel like I'm gonna get splatted any second."

"You might if you're not careful," Matt said in a shaky, husky voice.

Jeff sucked his lower lip into his mouth, looking at Matt with a curious expression. "Ya know…"

"No. Don't even suggest it."

"But Matty, you're shaking so bad. You need it."

"Not from you, Jeffy. We can't. You know that."

"Oh, bullshit. Who fucking cares if you're my brother? It's not like I'm gonna knock you up or give you a disease or anything. Heterosexual incest is a bad thing, Matty. Who cares if we do it? There's no bad side effects or results from that."

"It's wrong."

"The mere fact that you watched me fuck Shannon a moment ago is wrong. The two of us seeing each other naked is wrong. And me painting you up with edible body paint while your hard cock is just inches from my face is completely wrong. We've already broken all the damn rules in the book." He stood back up and took Matt's hand. "Come into the bathroom so you can see what I did."

Matt allowed Jeff to lead him into the attached bathroom. Jeff flipped the light on and pushed Matt towards the mirror that hung over the counter. He gasped at what he saw. It _was_ a masterpiece. In the center of his chest was a large heart, cracked down the middle with blood oozing from it. The blood ran out to his sides in odd patterns and trickled down his stomach where it melted into odd flames of purple and blue. The flames were designed to accentuate his obvious desire, wrapping around the black patch of hair around his crotch and spreading out over his hips. What really got to Matt, though, was the black hole in the middle of his stomach. It almost made it look like his abdomen was spread open to reveal that nothing was inside of him. Matt didn't need Jeff to explain any of it to him. He could read the meaning like a book.

"Jeff, how do you always manage to know everything I feel?"

"I dunno. I guess it kinda helped that Shannon told me what he suspects you've been doing lately. John Cena told Shannon he heard you forcing yourself to throw up when you visited them at some point. Then Amy told me why you'd been sent home from the show. And Rob called me to tell me he was worried sick about you because he could hear you constantly getting sick because his room is always next to yours." Jeff came up behind Matt, wrapping his arms around his waist to squeeze him tightly. "If it makes you happy to be thin, Matty, that's okay. You can stay at this weight if you want to. You're still healthy right now… but if you keep this up you're going to become so small that you won't be able to wrestle anymore. You'll get sick and they'll put you in the hospital. Then you'll be put in therapy because this is a mental disorder, not a physical one."

"I just want to be thin. There's nothing wrong with that. I want to be perfect like you and John and Rob. You guys don't have any fat on your bodies."

"Neither do you anymore. You did it, Matty. You got rid of all the extra weight, but now it's time to stop. Look at yourself. I mean it, look." Jeff took his chin and forced him to look in the mirror. "You are so beautiful. Your body is better than mine can ever be. You've worked so hard and put yourself through such torment and it paid off. You're perfect. And you can stay this way if you stop throwing up. Instead of stuffing yourself to the brim and throwing up, just eat a little less food. Eat less fattening things and exercise. But please, Matty, promise me you'll stop making yourself sick."

Matt couldn't really respond. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Jeff telling him he was beautiful? He was perfect? Jeff was blind. The only beautiful thing about him was the painting that covered his body. He shook his head sadly.

"Thank you, little brother, for trying to make me feel better, but I know you're just trying to delude me."

"Then let me prove it to you. Let me prove that you are indeed gorgeous."

"How can you possibly do that?"

"Watch."

Jeff pointed in the mirror, directing Matt to look at himself once again. Matt sighed at first, but then gasped when he felt Jeff's mouth upon his throat, sucking lightly on his skin. His hands ran down his sides again, smearing through the paint on his hips as they moved back to squeeze Matt's ass. Matt opened his mouth to protest as he had earlier, but he felt his brother's paint slicked fingers slip inside of him and press against his inner walls. He cried out as pleasure sliced through him.

"Look in the mirror, Matty," Jeff whispered to him. "I've seen you like this before, remember? This is when you are most beautiful, when you're captured in your ultimate rapture."

Matt forced himself to keep his eyes open, watching as Jeff's other hand came around his front and grasped his erection, stroking him slowly. He looked at himself as the gratification came over his face. He did look good like that, didn't he? And it was only getting better as Jeff moved both hands in time. The pressure inside of him, brushing over that spot constantly, combined with each perfect stroke of Jeff's hand made for a blissful fulfillment Matt had never imagined.

"Hey, you're playing without me?" Shannon suddenly asked from the doorway.

"You were asleep, baby," Jeff answered, "but I'm sure Matty would love it if you helped. He doesn't believe me when I tell him he's beautiful."

"Awww, Matty," Shannon cooed as he came over to him, taking over the job of jerking Matt off. "You don't think you're handsome? But you're so… perfect. You're even prettier than Jeff."

"Watch it," Jeff growled.

"Sorry," Shannon giggled.

The younger blond went down on his knees without warning and caught Matt completely off guard when he brought his mouth down around his length. Matt moaned loudly, his body starting to shake from the overwhelming delight they were giving him. Again his head was turned towards the mirror by Jeff. He caught sight of Shannon's head bobbing up and down on him first off, but his eyes trailed up his own body as he knew that's what Jeff wanted him to do. Still he could see all of the faults. Despite the muscles that flexed with the effort to stay still and take it, despite the stunning paint that covered his skin, despite the striking expression of pure nirvana that showed on his face, all he could see was two beautiful beings taking pity on their lesser friend. He closed his eyes against it, letting the feelings take hold of him instead. His hips bucked, first pushing towards Shannon's mouth and then back to meet Jeff's hand, as if unsure of what it wanted more. He reached over his shoulder to latch onto Jeff as best he could, praying that he wouldn't fall before it was over. At last the build up broke and he threw his head back to scream out his orgasm.

His legs gave out only a moment later, but he was caught by two pairs of arms around him. Shannon and Jeff hugged him tightly. Each of them whispered sweet words to him, compliments, soothing phrases. They only rebounded off of him without ever sinking in. They slowly helped him to the bed, each of them crawling in on either side of him to keep him warm and safe. Shannon cuddled up to his chest without caring if he got paint all over him. Jeff spooned in behind him with his arms around them both. Matt sighed with what his lovers would think was contentment. The only thing Matt could think about at that moment was how horrible he had looked through everything they had done to him, assuming that was why they had kept their eyes closed, and knowing he had to work harder to gain their approval. Even his own little brother pitied him so much that he was willing to perform sex acts with him to try to cheer him up. It was pathetic. Matt knew he had to lose more weight.

Later that evening, after taking showers and getting clean clothes on, the three men gathered around the dinner table. Crystal had brought home KFC for Jeff and Shannon, knowing that they'd be starving after having a whole day to themselves, but there was still plenty enough to feed Matt as well. He stuffed himself with greasy chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, macaroni and cheese, cole slaw, and biscuits. Matt hadn't eaten this much food in months. It felt good to finally be full, but at the same time he felt totally disgusted with himself. He'd just been thinking earlier that he needed to lose weight, not gain it back. But it wouldn't matter soon enough. He and Jeff were leaving now so he'd be able to take care of his problems soon enough.

"So are you feeling better now, big brother?" Jeff asked as they headed for their cars.

"Yeah. I know what I have to do now. You and Shannon really helped me to realize things," he said with a smile, letting Jeff take it in whatever way he wanted.

"Good. I was so worried about you, but I knew I'd see you soon enough and that talking to you face to face would be a lot better than over the phone or in chat."

"Yeah. It did wonders."

"I'm glad." Jeff stepped forward and pulled Matt into a tight embrace. "I love you, Matt."

"I love you too, Jeff."

"Please, don't let things get to you anymore. Call me or come see me. Talk to me before you start doing things, okay? I was scared to death when I heard about everything from everyone else."

"I'm sorry, Jeffylube." Jeff rolled his eyes at the nickname. "Don't worry about me. I've got things under control."

"Okay. I'll come over tomorrow before you have to leave again."

"Come around about noon. Amy likes to sleep in."

"So do you."

"Not lately. I've been getting up at the ass crack of dawn recently."

"Strange for you. Okay, I'm freezing my nuts off. I'll see ya tomorrow."

Matt chuckled slightly and went to his own vehicle, driving off in one direction while Jeff went the other towards the Imagi-Nation. Matt went only about a mile away from Shannon's house when he pulled over to the side, trying not to get stuck in the snow piles on the side. He put the Jeep in park and pushed open the door, looking up and down the barren road for a moment. Then he leaned over, stabbing his fingers down his throat and emptying his stomach into the snow. Then he continued on home like nothing had happened, wondering if there were any good movies on TV that night.

The Royal Rumble. The second biggest pay-per-view of the year. Matt was practically bouncing up and down in anticipation, hanging around backstage with a bunch of his RAW and Smackdown! friends to watch the matches before the main event. That was the best part of having joint pay-per-views for Matt was that all of his friends could gather together. Shannon Moore, John Cena, Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio, Rob Van Dam, Christian, and even Jericho were all gathered in an area away from most of the other people. They all sat around two tables that they'd pushed together, having some light snacks and talking while they watched the matches. Matt could barely stay in his seat from being so excited and happy. The only person not there was Amy, but it was okay. Amy hadn't been near him since he'd left her for Jeff and Shannon that night when he'd been on forced vacation. And he didn't care about that in the least.

"Hey, Matt. How's it been going, man?" Rey asked.

"Damn skippy, Rey-Rey. I'm so pumped for tonight. I've been really working out a lot for this."

"Yeah, it shows, man. You're starting to look as good as me!"

Matt laughed. "I'm trying not to be a fatass. I think I'm starting to make progress on that."

Matt ignored the dirty look Chris gave him from across the table. In fact there were quite a few people glancing at him oddly. He knew everyone was still worried about him. He'd gotten many phone calls and heart to heart talks ever since he had fainted about a month ago. But Matt had learned from the experience. He'd learned not to starve himself on a day when he had to perform and wait until later after his matches to purge himself of the food he'd taken in. That meant no more dizzy spells or passing out during crucial moments.

"Matt." He looked up when Rob touched his arm. "Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Alone."

"Oh…"

Matt nodded slightly and got up, following Rob away from the others and down the hall. Rob pushed open a door and poked his head in, flipping on the light. It was an unused storage room. Definitely a good place to talk in private. Matt followed him in with a slight nervous feeling building inside of him. Rob had never wanted to be alone with him before.

"You know what this is about, and I know that you don't want to hear it. I know you'll just lie to me and tell me you're fine just like you've been lying to everyone else and yourself." Rob looked at him, his golden eyes filled with sincerity. "But I just wanted to tell you how scared I am for you. Every time I see you you're thinner and thinner. You're wasting away to nothing. And if you take that coat off tonight in the rumble everyone's gonna see exactly what you've been doing."

"But that's the point. Tonight is the grand unveiling of the new Matt Hardy," he smiled.

"You mean the one who'll never be allowed to wrestle outside of the cruiserweight division? Because that'll happen. When Vince sees how small you are he'll knock you down."

"But I don't look as small as them because of my height."

"Matt, you look like a damn skeleton! I can count your ribs from here without you even opening the jacket. Your wrists look so fragile that I could snap them if I squeezed too hard. You're just a shell of the man you used to be." Rob stepped closer to him, taking his shoulders gently in his hands. "You look like you're dying, Matt. You're getting pale, your cheeks are sunken in, and you have black rings around your eyes."

"You're lying. I don't look like that. I finally look good. I'm down to my ideal weight and I finally look fucking gorgeous," he said harshly.

"No. No, Matt." Rob cupped his cheek, running his thumb over the jutted out cheekbone. "You were so beautiful. Now you just look very sick. I just want to help you before things get so bad that you can't be helped."

"Ya know, Jeff and Shannon already tried this bullshit with me. They went so far as to have sex with me in hopes I'd think I was beautiful enough to be attractive to them." Rob's eyes widened slightly at that. "But even Jeff can't hide his true feelings. He kept his eyes closed the whole time. He couldn't stand looking at me because I was so fat! But I'm not anymore! I'm perfect! And I'll prove it by kicking your ass out of the rumble tonight!"

"Matt, you can't do that. You'll screw up the whole set. Then you'll just get fired for ruining everything that was planned."

"I don't care. I'm going to win the rumble and prove that I really am perfect. I'll make everyone see that Matt Hardy is a fucking god!"

Matt shoved Rob aside and exited the cramped room, running down the hall quickly. He wasn't sure where he was going. He only knew he had to get away from everyone. So many people were against him and he knew that they could gang up on him if he gave them the chance. He nearly plowed right into Steve Austin in his desperation to get away.

"Whoa, whoa, there Hardy. Where's the fire?"

"Behind me. Everyone is pissing me off so much today."

Matt struggled to catch his breath, his heart thumping hard in his chest. He'd never had his chest ache from running before, but he had a good feeling it was because of his stress level. He looked up at Steve, who was staring at him in concern. Matt didn't need this to start up again.

"Boy, you don't look very good. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm perfect. I just need a breather now. I'll see ya later, Steve."

Matt quickly moved away from him, forcing himself to walk a normal pace down the hall, keeping his head high and shoulders straight so Steve wouldn't insist on following. He pushed his way into a dressing room that was empty and sat down hard on one of the benches. He just couldn't seem to catch his breath. He bent over to put his head down between his knees, hoping it would help the oncoming dizzy spell he felt starting up. His chest was still pounding and each beat of his heart seemed to send pain spreading through his chest. But then Matt noticed it was also going up his left arm. Was he having a heart attack? Matt groaned as the dizziness became too much and he pitched forward to the floor, catching himself on his hands thankfully so he didn't hit the cement. The sudden movement caused his stomach to flip flop and he vomited against his will for the first time in ages. Once he was sure it was over with Matt let himself fall to the side, hitting the floor with his shoulder. He opened his eyes slightly and saw nothing but bright red in front of him. It was blood. He had thrown up blood. Now he was scared, terrified, and he was completely alone with no one knowing where he was. He had to get help, but getting to his feet seemed impossible.

"Help! Please someone. Help…" His vision was quickly going black at the edges, the pain in his chest growing stronger, and he couldn't get his voice loud enough to yell. "Oh God… Please… Someone save me…"

He had never been more panicked in his entire life. He jumped from the car before it even came to a full stop and rushed towards the doors. Good thing they were automatic or he would've broken them while shoving them open. He skirted the elevator for the stairs, knowing he was faster than the machinery. On the fourth floor he emerged, sweat running down the side of his face and causing his shirt to stick to his back, looking wild and crazed. He glanced back and forth momentarily, spotting a familiar figure down the hall. He hurried in that direction. Shannon turned around just in time to catch him.

"Where is he? Shannon, is he okay? Can I see him?"

"Jeff, calm down. Stop."

"Where is he!" he yelled.

"Jeff, stop it! Calm down before you end up on a stretcher, too!"

Shannon pushed Jeff backwards, pushing him down into a chair and kneeling down in front of him. Jeff took a few deep breaths to calm himself, but it did little good. He was scared beyond all comprehension. Never in his life had he felt such fear.

"Breathe, Jeff. Breathe slowly. It's okay."

"Is he?"

"I dunno. The doctors won't tell me everything because I'm not family."

"Yes, you are! You're the closest thing to family Matt has in the fucking business!"

"They don't know that, Jeff. Now calm down and listen to me. You wanna know what happened right?" Jeff nodded. "Okay. It seems that our attempt to make Matty stop didn't do any good. He kept on binging and purging. Last night, Rob tried to talk him out of participating in the rumble because he looked so sick. He's lost even more weight since we last saw him, probably only weighing 160 or so. Matt got pissed off with Rob and ran off somewhere in the arena to hide from everyone. Thankfully Stone Cold had run into him at some point and knew where he'd gone because no one saw him until it was time for the rumble. And when he didn't show up to go out we got worried. Steve and Chris found him exactly where Steve had seen him go earlier. They said that when they found him… he was unconscious and lying in a puddle of blood. Apparently he'd thrown up again, but it was straight blood. From what the doctors have told me he's been bulimic for a long time and it's taken a toll on his whole system. His stomach walls are thin and starting to bleed, threatening to rupture completely. His esophagus is the same way because of the amount of acid that he brings up every time."

"Oh dear God… What can they do for that?"

"I dunno, Jeff. He's actually in surgery right now so there must be something that they can do. Like I said they won't tell me everything."

"You get that ultimate privilege, Jeff," came a voice from a few feet away causing Shannon and Jeff to look up in surprise.

"Adam!"

Adam Copeland smiled a little as he and Jay walked up to them. There were hugs all around, especially for Adam who hadn't seen any of them in a long time.

"What are you doing here?" Jeff asked.

"Jay called me to tell me what was going on and I decided to come. Matt's one of my dearest friends, you know that."

"He'll be so glad to see you, Adam. Thank you so much," Jeff said and kissed his cheek.

"Are you okay? This has got to be the hardest on you."

"I just got here myself. Damn winter snow is making everything difficult." Jeff pressed himself against Adam's chest. "I'm so glad you're here. You have no idea how comforting your presence can be."

"It's the big, strong, protective male thing. I make a good shield, too," he tried to joke.

"Where's your dad at, Jeff?" Jay asked.

"Daddy had to stay home. Him and winter don't get along very well. He was so mad that he couldn't come, but I promised I'd call him all the time and keep him updated."

"That's terrible he can't be here," Shannon said.

"Shan, you wouldn't mind calling him for me, would you? I don't think I could get past the hello before bursting into tears."

"Sure, Jeffy. I don't mind."

Shannon went off in search of the payphone while Adam and Jay got Jeff to sit back down. They both hugged and cuddled him, letting him cry on their shoulders as much as he needed to, and promising him that somehow things would be fine. Even after Jeff told them everything he knew they still insisted Matt would make it through in one piece. It was a good hour later that the nurse had to wake the four sleeping men.

"Who here is family of Matthew Hardy?"

"I'm his brother, but you're gonna tell all of us everything," Jeff said sternly.

"Well, that I can do, but you're the only one that can go in to see him. The doctors worked very hard to repair all the damage to Matthew's stomach. The esophagus seems to be in good condition despite all it's been through. He did have a minor heart attack at some point recently, most likely it was what started his whole episode. The doctor will explain it to you in more detail, but know that he's okay for now. He's stable and you can see him now if you wish."

"Yes, please."

The nurse gently took Jeff's hand, squeezing it slightly as she led him down the hall to the room Matt was in. She followed him inside, raising the dimmed lights a little so Jeff could see better.

"He's still out from the anesthesia. If he does wake up he'll be a little out of it so make sure you call for me with the button on the wall by his bed."

"Okay. Thank you." She left him alone and Jeff quickly went to Matt's bedside, taking his hand tightly. "Matt, if I wasn't so terrified and relieved and loved you so much I would so kick your ass all over this hospital."

Of course, Jeff hardly meant what he said, but he had hoped Matt was awake and would react. Just like the nurse had said he was still knocked out. There were bandages wrapped tightly around his abdomen and an IV dripped into his arm. Otherwise Matt seemed to be hanging on on his own. His breathing was even and the beep of the heart monitor was completely rhythmic if not a little fast. Matt was lucky to be alive.

"Matt, I wish you would've been honest with me about everything. I wish you would've let me help you, but I can understand why you didn't. In your mind you weren't doing anything wrong. I forgive you for everything, Matt. This wasn't your fault. In fact it was probably everyone else's because we teased you so much about your weight. I'm sorry I would call you names and poke your belly. I never thought it bothered you. I guess I should've thought about it a little harder."

Jeff paused to look down at his big brother, feeling the tears come yet again, but making not a single effort to stop them. He gave in and sobbed on Matt's arm. He wished he could pinpoint the precise moment when Matt decided to do the things he'd done and try to stop him before it ever started. He'd give anything to go back in time to before it all started and apologize for every insult, every teasing poke, even the lighthearted jokes. He'd take it all back if he could. He'd tell Matt how beautiful and wonderful he was everyday.

"I'm so sorry, Matty. I love you so much. I'll do anything I can to make you feel better. I'll never let you forget how perfect you are ever again."

"I'm not perfect," came a whisper.

Jeff raised his head to see Matt's eyes opened just slightly, looking at him from the corner of his eye. Jeff quickly wiped the tears from his face. He'd never liked crying in front of Matt even though he had done it before. He hated it. It made him feel weaker than his brother.

"What happened to me, Jeff?"

"I'm not completely sure myself. They told me you didn't show up for the rumble and found you in a dressing room unconscious. You'd thrown up blood and passed out. The doctors said there was evidence you'd had a heart attack, too. You were in surgery because your stomach was nearly ruptured and they repaired everything."

"That's why I'm sore," he said, his voice still no stronger than a whisper.

"Matt, we're going to fix this. The doctor said you're lucky you didn't die, but now you should be fine. You need to put on weight again and stop making yourself throw up. You have bulimia. We're gonna stop it, though, Matty."

"No. I don't want to be fat again."

"You never were, big brother. We were just teasing you." Jeff sniffled and tried to hold back his tears. "Matty, I'm so sorry we did this to you. We never meant any of those horrible things we said. We didn't think we were hurting you."

"Don't lie to me. I know how you all feel about me."

"No, you don't. I tried so hard to tell you that day you were with me and Shannon, but I should've just told you straight out instead of doing what I did. I meant it when I said you were beautiful. You're the most gorgeous thing I've ever laid eyes upon. Everyone agrees with me, Matt. You were always perfect. You didn't have to try. Your beauty is natural."

"I don't believe you."

"I know you don't. That's part of the problem that we're gonna fix. This is all in your head. I swear to you, Matty, I won't lose you to this. Even if I have to spend every dime I have, give up every single second of my time, and sacrifice all I have in me to make you whole again I'll make sure you get better."

Matt just looked at him apprehensively, unsure of how to react or what to say to him. A tear fell from Jeff's eye as they looked at each other. He reached to wipe it away, but Matt stopped him. He reached for it himself, tenderly wiping it away with a caress of Jeff's cheek. Jeff leaned into it and kissed his palm lightly.

"I'm sorry I did this to you," Matt whispered.

"I'm sorry that I made you."

"Will you really help me?"

"Of course." Jeff stood and leaned over him, tucking his hair behind his ears with both hands. "I would die for you, Matt."

"Well, I don't think that'll be necessary this time," he smiled a little.

"You get my point I'm sure." Matt nodded. "You'll be fine. I swear it."

"Kiss me, Jeffy."

Jeff blinked at first, surprised, but he closed the gap between them and kissed his brother gently. He pulled back a little, resting his forehead on Matt's, watching him sigh contently. There was a small smile still playing on his lips. He opened his eyes to gaze up at him with his dark chocolate orbs shining with tears. Jeff smiled back at him and pecked him again.

"You have visitors if you're up to them."

"Who?"

"Shannon, Jay, and Adam."

"Adam? He came here to see me?"

"He was on the first plane to Philadelphia as soon as Jay called him."

"Send them all in, but tell them to not get loud or rowdy on me."

"Okay. I'll see if I can sneak em in."

Matt looked down at the food on his plate, pushing it around with his fork a little bit. Even after months of therapy it was still difficult to eat a full serving of food. He was getting better, though. He was up to a healthy 215 pounds, around the same size as Jay, but looked slightly thinner than him because he was four inches taller. He had considered staying this weight just to help keep his mind at ease, but Jeff had convinced him to at least try for 220 to make sure he was well into the heavyweight division.

Jeff. If not for Jeff Matt would've never made it through all that he had gone through. Not just the bulimia and the hospitalization, but the therapy. The therapy had been absolute torture on Matt's mind. They had constantly made sure he ate every bite of food put in front of him. Jeff had helped him out now and then and ate for him, but he'd gotten caught and was banned from being near Matt during meals. That had set his progress back so badly that finally Jeff had checked him out and set about caring for him by himself at the Imagi-Nation. Of course Jeff did keep in contact with the center to update them on his condition and gain advice on how to proceed with things. Needless to say, Jeff was Matt's savior.

"Hey Matt. Ya gonna eat that?"

Matt looked up as Rob walked towards the table. Matt smiled and nodded, taking another bite. It felt strange to be back in the show after being gone so long. Everyone knew everything that he had been through and why he had been gone. It had gained him some funny looks, some friends, lots of sympathy, and the respect of all of the girls in the business. He was the only guy most of them knew who had an eating disorder.

"Listen Robbie… I barely remember exactly what went on the day I ended up in the hospital, but I was told that you and I got into it."

Rob held up his hands and stopped him. "Forget it. It's ancient history. I'm just glad that everything's back to normal now."

"Well, nothing's normal. I don't think it ever will be really."

"Yeah? What d'ya mean?"

"It's still hard to make myself eat. I had my mind so set in the fact that food was like an enemy. Sometimes the smell of it can make me want to wretch."

"How do you deal with that?"

"I take a deep breath, tell myself I'm crazy, that I'm hungry, and that I'm beautiful," he said with a small blush.

"Ah, the power of suggestion." Rob nodded and snatched an olive from Matt's salad. "Ya know what else has some strong powers over people?"

"What's that?"

"Love." Matt blinked and cocked his head at him. "I know someone who's been beating herself up for a long time because of a lost love. Well, she thinks it's lost anyway. I just can't convince her otherwise."

"Yeah? Why do I get a feeling I know who you're talking about?"

"I dunno. Maybe because I came over here on her behalf." Rob reached over and touched Matt's arm. "She misses you desperately."

"Yeah, well I missed her desperately while I was still with her and she never paid attention. I dunno if I can forgive her."

"It was just sex, Matt."

"No, it wasn't. It was love. It was attention. She never knew I was even there unless I spoke to her first."

"She loves you."

"And I love her too, but I can't be happy with her anymore. I'm a completely different person now and I need more attention from my loved ones than ever. She couldn't do it before, she sure as hell can't do it now."

"Don't you think you could at least tell her that yourself?"

"No. I told her my goodbye before." Matt set aside the empty salad dish and focused on what was left of the ham sandwich. "Is that the only reason you came to talk to me?"

"No. No, man, I wanted to see how you were. I haven't really talked to you since you came back."

"Well, I've only technically been back for two days so don't feel bad. I'm doing good, Robbie. Really good in fact. I feel better about myself than I ever did before, even before all of this crap started. I was always self-conscious, always worried about my looks and my attitude and everything I projected to this world. Now I almost don't care anymore what anyone thinks."

"Jeff is rubbing off on you."

"In many ways. I had red streaks in my hair a couple weeks ago." He took a drink of chocolate milk to wash down his food, sighing contently. "There. I finally finished it all."

"Good job. It must be hard to force yourself through a meal."

"It is sometimes, but every time I do it I feel proud of myself. It's a step towards normality."

Rob got up and followed him as Matt threw away his garbage and returned his tray. The two of them left the cafeteria and headed towards the locker room in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, though. Each of them were in their own thoughts, thoughts that focused on each other and all that had taken place. It was a lot to think about.

"The night of the Royal Rumble you took my aside and told me you were scared," Matt said just loud enough for Rob to hear. "You told me I had once been so beautiful and that you wanted to help me."

"Yeah, and all I did was make you mad and run off, causing you to have a heart attack," he said solemnly.

"If I hadn't had it then it would've happened in the ring. My body was just too far gone at that point, Rob. It wasn't your fault."

Matt opened the door to the locker room, seeing it was empty for once. He let Rob in behind him and then closed the door. Rob looked at him curiously, wondering what was up. Matt could only smile a little before coming forward and hugging him tightly.

"Your words stuck with me. I don't know why you in particular. Maybe it was the look in your eyes when you said them. Maybe it was because you were the only one who was soft and understand about it, instead of accusing and gruff. But even when I was losing my mind going through therapy I thought of you."

Rob slipped his arms around Matt's waist, leaning his head down on his shoulder with a sigh. "I meant every word, Matt. I was scared to death for you that night. After what happened, though, I didn't think you'd want to see me in the hospital."

"I wasn't really allowed to see anyone so it wouldn't have mattered." Matt petted Rob's hair lightly. "You really thought I was beautiful the whole time?"

"I did and still do."

Matt leaned back to look at him, smirking. "Funny. I always thought that about you."

Rob blinked in surprise. "Me? You think that I'm…? Oh, you're delusional, kiddo."

"Nah. I used to be, but that's what the therapy was for." Matt leaned in and quickly kissed Rob's lips, whispering against them. "You're the only person aside from Jeff who tried to reach my heart instead of my mind. I'll always treasure that."

For a moment Rob didn't move, didn't speak. He only stared at Matt with those radiant gold eyes of his, staring into the deep brown depths before him that were so filled with gratefulness and love. He raised a hand between them to hesitantly touch Matt's cheek. Matt smiled warmly, leaning down to kiss him again, slower and with more passion. Rob gave a soft sigh and melted into him with the first touch of their lips. They kissed as if they had been for a lifetime already, knowing each other's lips and mouths better than anyone could possibly comprehend, moving in perfect sync as their hands lightly danced over each other's skin. They parted after a long time.

"Well… That was different," Rob said, nearly breathless.

Matt laughed. "Not a man's man, huh Robbie?"

"Not exactly, but that… That was nice."

"Maybe you'll let me do it again some time?"

"I think you can do it whenever you like, Matt."

"After the show, you wanna go out for a late dinner? My treat."

"I feel kinda strange getting asked out by a younger man. Or for that matter, a man period."

"Fine then. You treat." Rob arched a brow at that one as if to say it'd never happen. "Just meet me here after the show, okay?"

"Okay."

Matt pecked his lips again and walked out, having to go to his match in only a short time. He sighed with contentment as he headed towards the front of the arena to wait for his turn to walk out in front of the crowd. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside without care, without worry. He felt wonderful. He felt beautiful.

**The End**

_Legalities: Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, and any other mentioned characters are property of World Wrestling Entertainment. I claim no knowledge of each of the characters sexual preferences or lives. This is a story of fiction, none of these events are real. I received absolutely no profit from this story._


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